What if … Lists?!?

Making lists is something I enjoy (yes, I’m aware that makes me nerdy). Lists help me remember things, organize thoughts, communicate with my team, plan my day - just the act of making a list (any list) is an accomplishment in and of itself as it frees my brain space from the worry of forgetting things, allowing me to be open to other thoughts. And is there a better feeling than crossing things OFF a list? All great things right? 💯 Probably the most ubiquitous list we use, often every day, is the “To Do” list. So common are daily “To Do” lists that there are hundreds of companies that produce thousands of pads, planners, organizers and apps just to assist us with making (and presumably accomplishing) our “To Do” lists. (Frugal ‘old me started using old envelopes for my daily “To Do” lists a while back. This way, if I did not get everything checked off I did not have them stored anywhere I had to see them again, I could just toss it and start over the next day.) But while I appreciate my lists most days, for me there are definitely some days when my “To Do” lists have a dark side, and darker effect.

Wait, how can a list be dark?!? On days that my imposter syndrome flares up, or days when my procrastination monster takes over, my “To Do” list can morph in a blink and suddenly appear as an intimidating list of things I’m not doing, or worse, a list of things to punish myself for not accomplishing. 🤦‍♀️ Now I know logically that these are just days, and the “To Do” list is just list - not meant to be good or bad. I know that my dad is not standing behind me berating me that I need to do this, that or the other and I’m going to be OK whether I finish the list or not. I even know that despite being written in pen the list is not written in stone and the sky will not fall tomorrow if the list is still there, waiting to be checked off. But since when are emotions and feelings connected to logic? So knowing these facts does not always help me get out of my feels and into getting my shit done, nor does knowing stop that list from being a blocker in and of itself at times. Some days just knowing these truths was (is 🤔) just not enough to keep a list from haunting me. And that bugged me!

Recently, when I was starting down a “To Do” list that was just this unsexy and unappealing, and my brain was feeding me a stream of options for ways to spend my day other than checking things off my list, I started down a path of sternly telling myself I need to do the things on my list, (which of course made it worse!) and the idea that “need” was pissing me off rang in my head for a while (need, need, need, need, argh!). What was my problem with needing to do something? I mean OK, it always struck me as kinda disingenuous when folks say they need something they really just want, like “I need to have that conversation” or “I need to pick up chips” or “I need to see that” when in fact what we really have is a want … “I want to have that conversation, before I can truly move on” or “I want to pick up chips for the party, as I know my guests love those chips and if I serve them folks will appreciate it” or “I want to see that concert, the band is one of my favorites and I’m wondering if this will be their last tour and my last chance to see them.” (We Americans might have an issue with confusing wants for needs.) Why was this list of things so much of a hurdle that it was driving me to self sabotage? And it suddenly popped into my head, it was not a list of things I needed to do today, but a list of things I could do, more of a what if list. Whoa. What the heck is a "What if…” list??

I didn’t really know if a "What if…” list would work, but I loved the idea of removing the dictum of “need” from my list so I gave it a shot. And when I put it into practice, I realized naming my list with those two little words opens me up to thinking of my day in a more optimistic and fun way, whether it's a rainy Monday or a Funday Sunday. Suddenly I spend my moments jotting down my daily "What if… ” list asking myself "What if…I get this thing done today?” and then actually visualizing that with enthusiasm and energy, rather than the feelings of anxiety and dread that telling myself “I need to get this done today” evokes in me. I learned that asking "What if…” of my list leads me to think about how I’ll feel AFTER I’ve checked the item off (usually good since doing things usually leads to pleasant feelings like accomplishment and satisfaction). And it even allows me space to see the unchecked list items differently, like "What if…I DON’T get this thing done today?” This way, if priorities change, or time slips by faster than expected, I can choose how to feel about the unfinished items rather than automatically feeling like I failed myself that day if I don’t get everything I started the day thinking I needed to do, done. And finally, seeing the words "What if…” at the top of my page each time I check in on the list throughout the day reminds me (and I need reminders) of who I am and what I want to do.

It might seem like just words, a new label for an old thing … and you are right, it is … I just find them to be very powerful words. They frame things in an open-ended way and allow for more creativity in thinking about my day more than telling myself what I needed to do ever did. These days I usually have items that don’t get done, in part because I add more "What if’s…” to my day (aka stretch goals) knowing I won’t be berating myself at day's end if I don’t get to them all. If you decide to give "What if…” a try, I would love to hear what you think in the comments below.

Peace.